Right now that’s about how I’m feeling when skimming over this astounding apology for torture from Deroy Murdock over at the National Review. And it appears not to be a joke:
This is all the more reason for President Bush to reinstate waterboarding, proudly and publicly, so America can get the information we need to prevent Muslim-fanatic mass murder and win the Global War on Terror.
Appropriately enough, waterboarding is not used on American citizens suspected of tax evasion, sexual harassment, or bank robbery. Waterboarding is used on foreign Islamic-extremist terrorists, captured abroad, who would love nothing more than to blast innocent men, women, and children into small, bloody pieces. Some of them already have done so.
Waterboarding has worked quickly, causing at least one well-known subject to break down and identify at least six other high-profile, highly bloodthirsty associates before they could commit further mass murder beyond the 3,192 people they already killed and the 7,715 they already wounded.
Though clearly uncomfortable, waterboarding loosens lips without causing permanent physical injuries (and unlikely even temporary ones). If terrorists suffer long-term nightmares about waterboarding, better that than more Americans crying themselves to sleep after their loved ones have been shredded by bombs or baked in skyscrapers.
In short, there is nothing “repugnant” about waterboarding.
I mean, what to say. WHAT to say.
Something needs to be, though. Personally I’ve long felt that any excusing of torture is evidence of barely-concealed sadism, or in some cases open sadism. I’m pleased Mr. Murdock has come out into the open this way, as clearly he wouldn’t want his conscience burdened by not being honest to the world, and that’s all that matters. Meanwhile, the attempt at pushing emotional buttons here is so ham-handed that I almost want to think that given the current writers’ strike the makers of 24 might perhaps have been looking for someone to cover for production for upcoming episodes and have happily found a candidate.
But hey, let’s meet him halfway. I call on Mr. Murdock to publicly embrace waterboarding as his new job. Let’s bring it out into the open. Let’s have him dunk people like this again and again all day as his daily work. Let’s have him ask questions of people who quite clearly in his mind are guilty (is it not odd that apparently no innocent people have been waterboarded — who’d’ve thought!) and share the video of his work out to the world. Hell, put it on YouTube. Let’s have him talk in detail to his family about what he did today. He seems to be all about being ‘open’ about it, why not have him live it?
Or does he think that waterboarding is some sort of automatic process done by self-created machines that just happen to be sitting around?
The ‘chickenhawk’ theme these past few years has been beaten to death, frankly. But this is a step beyond. I don’t recall this type of thing being talked about when it came to being a good citizen when I was growing up. I don’t recall encouraging people to serve their country by doing this nonsense. I don’t recall any of this as a particular ideal.
But no matter, Mr. Murdock has identified a new one for us. Let us see him put it into practice.